Fuck my life

synthy-naiyah:

girlzero:

i had a fever dream about hrt gummies

[tip me im broke lol]

“Do you wish your vacheena was a peeNis or geegnis is vagengi. Want big boober or tiddied explode of [reverberating] fuck.”

“Introducing H R T. Destosteroast. Estrager. Whendsforiain’t forya.”

(via volcanicpumpernickel)

Anonymous asked:

you ever been milked big time?

akashicrecord:

I was the only almond at Silk for 5 years

sprinket:

I invited Bob because of the way they looked at me

unusualrule:

pandemi-c-goblin:

aggressionbread:

Finally, a console that can do it all

(via wrenrouge)

themysteryoftheunknownuniverse:

hannahlady:

art-nimals:

Vincent Van Gogh, Hand with a Bowl, and a Cat, March - April 1885, chalk on paper, Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

Vincent, big fan, but WHAT is that CAT

(via wrenrouge)

cephalopod-demigod:

me before getting in the shower: nooooo don’t let the water touch me, i am a desert creature, dirty and free

me in the shower: lungs were a mistake. the sea is and always has been my home

(via damn-funny)

kafkamilktea:

gaytectives:

gaytectives:

at work we have a family of three huskies who come in for daycare and everyone calls them “the mafia” it makes me so happy because occasionally out of nowhere someone over the radios will say “we’re sending in the mafia” and then three huskies barrel their way inside and usually slip and fall on the tile ajfjajg

the white one is zephyr but everyone calls him the godfather and his sisters follow him around everywhere and they’re a tiny gang which i love

this is the only pure post

(via damn-funny)

trans-angel:

grimeygruel:

meatswitch-deactivated20231107:

When you turn the lights off and get in the shower

Oh God someone please explain this to me

(via damn-funny)

unyanizedcatboys:

shydestinybread:

manicgoblinnightmarewoman:

cryoverkiltmilk:

byjove:

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

The spiritual successor to Miette

Might I also add

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

(via damn-funny)

comrade-ines:

nationalshitpostingagency:

sn0wbro:

fork-a-nature:

sharkebutt:

sharkebutt:

There is nothing funnier to me than poorly redrawn trollfaces made around the time everyone was mocking people who made rage comics

This post is a gift.

(via pearly-bird-mom)

khazel-t:

turing-tested:

dog-on-it-tm:

turing-tested:

turing-tested:

its yellow you are all wrong i have decided just now

hey op, what does this say?

nice try but i’m not colorblind it says 71

(via redandblacktac)

theaustinstollhaus:

eurofox:

That’s old man jenkins

HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TEACH YOU THIS LESSON, OLD MAN?

(via damn-funny)

terpsikeraunos:

papasmoke:

In her essay Tik Tok the great philosopher Ke$ha declared that ‘the party don’t start till I walk in.’ which is clearly meant to convey that any recreational gathering is not truly a party until Ke$ha herself arrives.

But what if Ke$ha were to leave the party for some period of time only to then walk in again? This paradoxical scenario in which a party must simultaneously already exist and not exist yet is known as Ke$ha’s Quantum Party and has stumped theoretical physicists for decades.

Ke$ha clearly states that “when I leave for the night I ain’t comin’ back” (Animal 2.4), and furthermore, that “Tonight, Imma fight/‘Til we see the sunlight” (2.13-14), implying that she will neither depart nor desist from celebration until the following solar recurrence; moreover, she asserts in the refrain that “…the party don’t stop, no” (2.16), sagely reassuring us that no spacetime-rending event will occur.

(via damn-funny)

v1als:

been howlin at scottish twitter for three days now here’s some of my favourites

(via damn-funny)

witchling-guidence:

I support this comic, if you dont want children everyone else can shut up and keep their opinions to themselves. I want children, but that doesnt mean I am going to force you to have them too.

(via damn-funny)